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For lexophiles
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

12. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

13. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

14. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

15. A calendar's days are numbered.

16. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

17. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

18. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

19. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

20. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

21. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

22. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

23. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .

24. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

25. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

26. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

27. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

28. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

29. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

30. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .


31. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.


32. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

33. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

34. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

36. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

37. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

38. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

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Added: 27-Dec-2009
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